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3 Daily Reminders

So, we all know how it feels to not have motivation, to want to stay in bed and to feel totally unloved, right? Even if just once, every one of us has felt that at some point.

What to do then?

  1. Remember you are enough
    trust-that-you-are-enough
    No matter how much you feel like you’re lacking in skill, ability, intelligence, looks, education- whatever plagues you, basicly, with insecurity and fear. You are enough. There is no wrong way to be a human being, you just are and that’s it.

    There is always room for improvement and growth – but you don’t have to force yourself into it. Wherever you are on your journey now, that is ok. That is enough. YOU are truly enough.

  2. List all the good things you have
    gratitude
    Seems like such a cliché, I know. But it works; honest!
    I have made a list of all the good things I have – thinking on those that are less fortunate in so many ways to help me recognize the plentifulness that is around – and it made me feel so much better about my life and filled me with will to do and be more: more myself, more true, more fulfilled, more hopeful. And to give more: of my love, my time, my attention and my drive – to those who might need it, to the world, to those I love, to myself.

    Every now and then, most frequently than not, I falter. I forget that list. I forget to be thankful for all the things that most of us take for granted and even for those exceptional ones that are truly extraordinary things/people/events to be thankful for. I go back to the list. I re-do it, mentally. I re-write it, I add to it. Like a scrapbook of thankfulness that just keeps adding. And it feels good.
    Give it a try, sometime. I know it’ll make a difference, it did and does to me. And while you’re at it, make a list of your dreams, aspirations and goals (no matter what they are, they are valid and enough – unless you plan the decimation of Mankind, which I highly advice against, :p ) – seeing thoase two lists, together, might just give you the boost you need to achieve some of those thigns you want. Or it might put things into perspective, at least.

  3. Recognize all the good and loving people in your life

    tchrappreciation-wordle
    That feeling of being recognized and appreciated. Don’t we all crave it? I believe it to be inherent to human condition, indeed.
    You want to feel loved, to feel wanted, appreciated. You want to be heard, and seen. We all do.
    Sometimes, that feeling doesn’t come. You inner voices make it feel like we’re unloved, unappreciated, alone. Like a burden to those around us. It is mostly just that: our inner dialogue, pulling us down, feeding off of our emotions, insecurities and needs.
    Recognize yourself. Appreciate yourself (see 1. : you are enough and worthy of love). Love yourself (another cliché, I know. There’s a reason these are clichés and it is not only repetition). Start from there, even if just a little bit, every day. A pat on your own back: you did good at work, you cooked your own dinner, you were able to remain calm during a stressful moment, etc. It really is the little things – this gives you perspective. And compassion. Towards yourselves and to others.
    From there, it is a small step to showing appreciation towards the people in your life. Depending on where your relationship with yourself is, sometimes it is even easier to do this bit than the previous one.
    A “Thank You”, a “I like having you around”, any kind words that truly and honestly express the good feelings you have towards that person. It makes such a huge difference! In them. In making sure they know. In ourselves. I have lost people I didn’t have the chance to fully show how much I loved and appreciated tham and how thankful I was for their being in my life and accepting me even when I was rejecting myself so painfully. I don’t ever want anyone to leave my life (whichever way it might be) without having at known once, even if just a bit, something about my feelings for them and the goodness they brought me.

    Bonus (for reaching this far): A little TED for entertainment and education

    What are your thoughts? Have done any of these things? Will you try them?
    Let me know your experiences and opinios, I am always glad to learn new perspectives!

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Festas Felizes, ou a falta de espírito festivo

Estamos a 9 dias do Natal. Menos ainda, apenas 5 dias nos separam do Yule, Solistício de Inverno – que assinala o dia mais curto em horas de luz do ano e promete mais Sol a cada dia que passa.

Devia estar entusiasmada. Devia pensar em presentes, em comidinhas gostosas, em decorações.

Não estou. Não há foto temática nos meus perfis nas redes sociais – excepto a do anjo que adorna a frente da igreja, que ontem pus no Instagram, porque achei bonitinho. Não há árvore nem decorações lá em casa. Não há a playlist de Natal que o ano passado me atormentava com prazer todo o dia, que tenho no YouTube (em vez disso, ando a ouvir isto). Não há planos, nem presentes comprados, nem viagens planeadas.

Há vazio. Há saudade. Há dúvida. Há uma certa solidão. Há um toque de desespero – ou uma sensação de não ter chão, de estar um pouco perdida. Há questões sobre o sentido de viver como vivemos, de fazer as coisas como fazemos. Há medos primitivos sobre velhice, desamparo, doença, perda.

Creio que não estarei só neste sentimento. Creio que sei, de certa forma, que não estou. O mundo está a evoluir, a mudar e isso dói – todo o planeta está em sofrimento agora mesmo. Toda a Humanidade está em sofrimento agora mesmo. Growing pains, é a minha esperança. Uma viragem para algo diferente, melhor do que destruição e dor que temos agora. Eu estou a mudar e a evoluir e isso implica desorientação, confusão, dor, medo. Que o que cresce em mim seja diferente, melhor, também – e que consiga espalhar isso pelo mundo.

Uma parte de mim sabe que provavelmente daqui a um dia ou dois, o Espírito da época – aquela parte boa e bucólica – vai chegar a mim. Depois, logo se vê. Agora, a única coisa que quero do Natal é sossego.

Ainda assim: Festas Felizes – seja Natal, Kwanza, Hanukkah, Yule ou nada de religioso – e Paz na Terra a TODOS os Homens (e Mulheres)!

E porque hoje é dia de ensaio geral; porque amanhã é dia de concerto do Oasis Voices, no Auditório do Alto dos Moinhos às 21h, deixo aqui a pérola que me tem tocado mentalmente non-stop nos últimos dias:

 

Carta a um amor longínquo…

δ Agosto, 2011 δ

Meu amor,

               há 5 anos que nos tocámos pela primeira vez, naquele lugar entre aqui e ali, entre sonho e limbo, entre terra e céu. Há 5 anos que te instalaste no meu coração, no meu pensamento, na minha alma. E aí ficaste, como se me tivesses lançado um feitiço.
               Dirias talvez que foi o contrário, a feitiçaria foi minha e foi de mim que ficaste cativo, com prazer. Cheguemos a acordo, foi mútuo e inesperado…e oh tão bom! Lutei contra a certeza de ti e deste sentir, então, temendo estar a ficar louca. Aposto que lutaste também, fugindo a sensações, anseios e sentimentos que há muito esqueceras que existiam e estavas certo de não ser capaz de sentir, pensar ou experienciar.
              Demos tanto um ao outro, meu amor, damos tanto às nossas almas imortais com esta união que o amor nos proporciona. Com esta entrega, este fogo, esta ternura risonha que agora me aquece o peito, ao lembrar os nossos despiques e provocações.
              Quase quero chorar, sinto água a juntar-se nas pestanas, mas luto contra as lágrimas. Recordar-te, recordar-nos, é um prazer. Deveria ser fonte unicamente de alegria. Se me assola a ânsia de te carpir, é porque te sinto a falta, porque as saudades sufocam tanto que o ar que respiro mal é suficiente.
              Amante, amigo, confidente, companheiro, amor. És tudo isso e muito mais, meu querido. E eu que sempre fui boa com palavras, fiquei sem vocabulário capaz de dizer o quanto te amo.
              Pergunto-me tantas vezes o que estarás a fazer, a pensar, a sentir. Pergunto-me se teremos outra oportunidade de nos termos nos braços um do outro, perdidos. Pergunto-me se sentes a minha falta, se pensas em mim. Se ainda me amarás como antes.
              Meu querido, meu amor. Sonho contigo, acordada e entre os lençóis da minha cama solitária. Fecho os olhos e vejo o teu rosto, sinto o teu cheiro, respiro o teu sorriso e o teu calor. E quero-te a meu lado, cada vez mais, a cada instante que passo sem ti.
              Os nossos planos para um amanhã partilhado foram-se, desfazendo-se em fumo? Não creio. Muito menos creio que assim o aches. Apenas os adiámos, até ao momento em que o destino nos volta a juntar e transforme em viver o nosso sonhar.
              Eu e tu, o “amor e uma cabana” talvez. Mas o amor, sempre o amor, sempre. Acima de tudo e de todos, para sempre.
             Um dia terei uma palavra que te descreva e ao que sinto por ti e tu por mim. Mais do que meu amor, mais do que meu amado, meu amante, meu querido, meu anjo; mais do que alma gémea, perdição, paixão. Consigo dizer o que és, o que não és, aquilo que és mais que…mas não consigo algomerar, aglutinar, conjurar, combinar os vocábulos para fazer compreender ao mundo este sentimento, este Amor.
              Tu tornas-me inteira, quase o velho cliché do “completas-me” mas não é bem isso. “Apenas” sou mais eu quando estou contigo; quando te tenho ao meu lado. Não receio ser eu mesma, sem vergonhas, contigo. Amar-te e saber que me amas faz-me acreditar em mim e nesse “potencial escondido” que dizem que todas as pessoas têm.
             Sinto a tua falta, tenho saudades de ti, de nós e de quem sou contigo. Mal posso esperar pelo nosso “para sempre”.

Amo-te, antes agora e sempre.

Tua, inteiramente
 Mashiara

Pensado em coisas… | Thinking of stuff

Ando cansada do mundo. Deste paradigma que impulsiona a sociedade.
Não me faz sentido; não ressoa no meu sentir; não parece mais funcionar para a Humanidade.

Pensar nestas coisas angustia-me. Pensar no que nos aguarda nos dias vindouros, é um exercício intelectual que me assusta. Mas dou por mim, cada vez mais, a revisitar estes pensamentos e a re-sentir estas angústias e temores.

Será que podemos mudar alguma coisa? Como? Por onde começar?

Não sei. Não sei. Não sei. Mas há que tentar.

 

I have been feeling tired of the world. Of this paradigm that drives society.
It does not make sense to me; it does not find an echo within my feeling; it doesn’t seem to work for Humanity anymore.

 

Thinking about these things leaves me anguished. Thinking about wait awaits us in days to come, is an intelectual exercise that frightens me. But I find myself, ever more, reviting these thoughs and feeling these anguishes and fears once again.

Can we change anything? How? Where to start?

I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know. But we must try.

The Crest of Snow and Copper – XXI

** Warning *** Mature content ahead *** My “sort of” erotic piece ***
I’ll be posting this short story in a few installments, weekly. Would love to have your feedback on it, pretty please?
Part 21:

There was a tingling at her lower back, almost like a slight burning. It hurt a bit, too. Still her curiosity about what he was going to say surpassed the pain.

– I’m sorry if I’m hurting you, but… – He started off again, but she had something she had to say before he proceeded.

– Amo-te. – The woman said, firmly and with certainty, causing him to look her straight in the eye.

He was, quite obviously, rendered speechless. Even though he could not speak the language, he knew as much as to understand she had just said she loved him. The fact that she did so in her native tongue only made it in a way more special and, definitely, more serious. Her eyes reassured the young man that she didn’t expect a response of any kind from him, she simply had to say it and that was that.

The same way he was apparently struggling to express something his own way, she had gone by instinct and mouthed the words on her mind uncensored. He also knew she might come to regret having so rashly said those words, maybe even sooner than either expected. She was probably regretting it right now, but it was her own conscience which had to deal with it.

Still tracing a strange pattern on her lower back, he seemed a bit far away in thought as she observed him. The girl felt that slight burning come to a halt the exact moment his hand moved to rest at her hip, but the area kept the tingling feeling it had started off with. She had no doubt now that there was some kind of spell-crafting imbued in the movement of his fingers on her back. What had he done to her?

– It is done, now. – He said, in a deep thought kind of tone, startling her. – My mark is on your back, even though most people will not be able to see it.

– What?! – She asked, confused and appalled with his words, a little anger showing through. – Ah, so that’s how you roll, heh? You fuck a girl and then you brand the girl like cattle?

The Crest of Snow and Copper – XX

** Warning *** Mature content ahead *** My “sort of” erotic piece ***
I’ll be posting this short story in a few installments, weekly. Woukd love to have your feedback on it, pretty please?
Part 20:

Suddenly stopping the reckless rocking movement of both bodies, they knew they had reached ecstasy as if their beings were only one. Frames frozen in place, rigid, holding their breath under tightly shut eyes. One final thrust was like the epilogue of their encounter, neither willing to leave the other’s closeness and warmth.

How long had it been since the two of them had been standing in her bedroom, facing each other before that first kiss? It seemed as time was standing still since then.

Dropping heavily on to the bed, hugging each other, they struggled to calm racing hearts and regain control of their breathing. Once again, an unexpected sweet action from him, as the young man pulled the bed covers over their naked and exhausted bodies. Black silk sheets and a red cashmere blanket, the young woman now noticed. Was this his bedroom? It could only be, she decided; it felt just like he felt against her skin: warm, strong, mysterious, exotic and slightly rough around the edges. And a bit erotic.

She rolled on her back, snuggling against him and resting her head on his chest. His heart pounded in her ears, mixing with the sound of her own. As the girl so did, his arm reached to cradle her while his hand caressed her hair. Such caring from him was somehow weird, since he was not prone to displays of affection, but she liked it. Her hand drew shapes across his chest, absentmindedly. There was no obvious need for words as they lay there; still dwelling on the rush of sensations they had shared. Even so, he spoke, breaking the silence that layered the atmosphere.

– I want to give you something. – He said, eyes fixed on the top of her head, as his hand traced her body down to the small of her back.

The girl moved to face him, resting her chin on his chest, looking at the boy with curiosity.

The Crest of Snow and Copper – XIX

** Warning *** Mature content ahead *** My “sort of” erotic piece ***
I’ll be posting this short story in a few installments, weekly. Woukd love to have your feedback on it, pretty please?
Part 19:

Settling to a comfortable pace, they resumed their lovemaking, his hands roaming freely throughout her body and vice-versa. One large warm hand found its way down the young woman’s torso, toying with her navel and going to rest with slight pressure on her clitoris, as the second hand moved into an embraced, holding her tenderly. The girl’s back arched, responding to this new stimulus his hand offered, while her fingernails dug slightly into the straining surface of his thighs. Her body descended on his again and again, with a swirling movement from her hips, each time going a bit faster, a bit harder.

The physical manifestations of their arousal made them feel like candy apple, sweat droplets mingling, both of them red and horny, panting and shaking against each other. Man and woman both knew it would not be long before their encounter came to an end. They were now practically longing for it, as refraining from release was becoming ever so slightly painful and difficult to bear. Soon, the threshold of their orgasm would present itself, but none wished to go past that point of no return just yet.

Going at an increasing pace, their thrusting becoming rougher and their breathing shallower, the couple felt close to exploding in pleasure and anticipation. She steadied herself by firmly gripping his hips, her thumbs caressing the outlines of his gun slings, while he held her close to him, tightly in a hug, his chin finding support on her left shoulder. Pushing back from her a bit, he noticed the outline of her shoulder blades, in tension. The bones sticking out slightly against her tender white skin made the movement nearly hypnotizing. Giving in to yet another urge, he lost himself in the pleasure of nibbling and suckling those areas, feeling the slight contractions his doing so caused through her body.